I
care about you because you are beautiful the way cities at night are beautiful.
It’s
an image I understand only as a falling, an adventure into spaces I fear I have
no business occupying, and yet inhabit for the simple reason that I care about
you.
You
see me, and this opacity allows me to feel safe in a way that I haven’t felt (safe)
in a very long time. It’s not a safety of objects but of location – a place I
call home, an arrival.
I
care about you because although you understand nothing, you understand me on an
elemental level (of each thing ask what
it is in itself – its nature) in a way that doesn’t require a mapping of my
deficiencies: an inability to live small, to feel less, to hold my tongue.
I care
about you because you represent a harmony - like Hieronymus Bosch’s perfect
spheres: the ultimate correspondence of content and surface.
I
like the transgressions reflected, singularly, in the way you look at things.
I
care about you because, in your presence, I speak of acts whose memory is
enough to sever me. (Looking at you I remember two things: that idiotic
discussion of Madame Bovary’s eyes and the fact that they constantly change color – like Flaubert
didn’t know what he was doing, and kept giving her dark eyes, blue eyes, hazel
eyes - Nobody thought: it’s a reflection
of the fireplace; and that I would lie if I said I didn’t want to keep
looking at you until the world dies)
You
are kind, endangered, and vague - an anomaly compared to others - and I care
that you care about the discarded, the underdogs, the sad.
I
care about you because you feel whole in a way only the damaged feel (whole).
You are comprehensive.
I
care about you because you remind me of everything I used to love (the act of loving, prosthetic
memory; endearment).
I
care about you because you contain the landscapes you find necessary - the mountains, the
water - the way Whitman owned the rooftops of this world. (I love everything)
I
care about you in a way that bends me around obstacles like sound waves bend around
corners.
I
care about you despite rumors to the contrary (and the pettiness of the just),
in a way that reminds me that I am alive, still human, and very, very sad.
I
care about you. This is the reason.
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